Happy 40th Birthday

Just wanted to wish Laura Stilwell Studebaker Happy 40th. Hope you had fun at your surprise party and so sorry I couldn't be there.

Love you,

lowa

Better News today

I saw a radiologist oncologist today about my brain and he thinks that I do not have brain cancer, but wants to look at my brain scans from 1998 to be sure. He also wants to do a high resolution MRI that measures in millimeters rather than centimeters. If I do need it than the scan will be scheduled in late January. We are feeling relieved for now in our household. Thanks for all the prayers.

The good the bad and the ugly

I saw my oncologist today and the good is that she is very confident that the drugs i am currently taking are the best for me. She has no clue if my body will reject them yet, but should know in 2-3 months. The bad is my MRI of my brain is different than my scan from 2003. She doesn't know what that means yet, but i see my neuro surgeon tomorrow and mostly likely have a PET scan of my brain over the break to find out what is going on there. The ugly is that if the meds don't work, she gives me 3 to 12 months to live. She said i would most likely die from liver failure due to the size and agressiveness of my tumor. I was laughing with her because I really don't feel sick. I am planning on running 6 miles on Saturday and can keep up with most of my life.

She is not totally excited that i am going to check out the alternative center since she is research based. She gave us lots of questions to ask when we go up there in January, but i think Travis and I need to know that we have done everything possible that we can. She will still see me as a patient even if i choose the other path and suggested i get other opinions which we were planning on anyways. Not sure if i will have any new news tomorrow, but thanks for listening, for all the great laughs, and all your prayers.

Better

I started taking my Tykerb at night and that seems to be working so much better. I went for a run/walk yesterday and got so pissed that i have stage IV cancer. I started running as fast as i could and was screaming in my head that this mother f... is not going to beat me.

Thanks to everyone for the dinners, gift cards to Whole Foods, pizza, kids lunches and everything else. It helps so much to not have to worry about that too.

Have a Doctors appointment on Thursday and I am doing to Chicago in January. Thanks Mom & Dad.

Getting Worse

Everyday the nausea is getting worse and today it kept me in bed almost the entire afternoon. I had to cut my run short yesterday and my pace was very slow. I am really mad that cancer will keep me from having another child, having enough energy for the ones I already have, and it is making my running even more challenging. I am going to try and switch taking the Tykerb to the evening and see if that helps. For know i am going to try and stomach some food and then get back in bed. Not much of a day.

Hugs and kisses to all

Not so bad

After my first day of meds I am doing okay. My hands already tingle, I feel tired and my butt could be less active, but I don't feel like barfing, yeah. I can deal with most anything if i don't feel nauseous. The Gavinator is either being two 1/2 or is feeling our stresses, but Sammy seems to be doing great, on the outside. She is still working on internalizing all this and i am waiting for the breakdown. I have a 20 mile run on Saturday in preparation for the Breast Care Marathon in February and I think i am going to be okay. I was really worried i would have to give up this race too.

More tomorrow

Tomorrow is the big day

Well tomorrow i start my chemo and i am a little nervous. Although i wont lose my hair, the side effects are all flashing before my eyes and i really don't want to feel so sick again. I don't want to be dependent on everyone, I don't want to give up running, I don't want the kids to feel our stress and i don't want my husband to have to take on the burden of caring for our family by himself. He is my rock, but can only take so much. If he falls apart, we all do. That is a lot of pressure and all i can do is pray for him. I feel helpless that i can't help him and hope i am able to take some of this stress off his plate.

On the positive side we found a center in Chicago that deals with the whole body and not just my cancer, so we are very excited to go visit.

I will post tomorrow and let you know how my first day of meds went.

Thanks for all your support.