Dear God

I made the mistake of watching the Farrah Story tonight and had to get on my knees and ask God to save my life. Travis is out of town so I am laying next to Gavin watching my beautiful little boy sleep wondering what will happen to him when i am gone. Although i have no intention on giving up, i do have to face reality and my heart just aches for my precious children. All i ever wanted to do was be a great mom and now i might have to do it from the sidelines. How will Gavin ever know how much i love him. Will Sammy ever know that she is the sunshine in my life? Will they think i abandoned them? Will they ever forgive me?

Tonight my back hurts so much that my meds aren't working and i cant sleep. Thank goodness for Bianca, our incredible sitter, who is staying the weekend with me. Sammy had field day this morning, we had lunch with several families from school, had a play date, swim team, planted Sammy's garden, and had a sleep over. It was a great day and now i am paying for it.

Since yaya (Gavin language for Bianca) was here, i was able to do a lot of research and hopefully we can go to Boston and Dallas maybe next week. Although we had decided to go ahead with the trial at Emory, i don't want to put all my eggs in one basket. My cancer is way to smart to just trust one doctor these days.

My husband is on his annual golf trip with all his pals and I am wishing him a stress free weekend and lots of fun. He greatly deserves it.

Thanks for listening,
Laura